A Bit of My Life

Love

The $1500.00 Vibrator

Last week I was researching an article on making your sex life more environmentally friendly, and I came across the $1500.00 vibrator.

No shit.

I have seen some crazy stuff in my day, but I have to admit that the 1500.00 vibrator tops most of it. Here is an item that seems to cost more just merely for the sake of costing more. It doesn’t look like it can do anything better than the low rent version, it is just gold plated and oddly shaped. I would imagine that the 1500.00 vibrator would actually be a bit cold and uncomfortable… kind of like your wife when she finds out that you just spent 1500.00 on a vibrator.

I imagine that I could approximate the sensation of the 1500.00 vibrator with a vibrating, wireless computer mouse that I set on perma-vibrate. For a lot less money. Certainly not 1500.00, by any stretch.

The icing on the cake is that the 1500.00 vibrator is also available in stainless steel, which in my view should come with a slight price downgrade. But it doesn’t. It is still a 1500.00 vibrator.

Let’s boil down the economics of this. If I went to Vegas and paid for a male hooker, that would be an average of 300.00 a session. If I don’t count airfare and hotel, that is 5 different man whores I could have for the cost of the 1500.00 vibrator, which no doubt will break down after intensive use at some point anyway.

Under which circumstances can I see someone purchasing the 1500.00 vibrator? I really, really can’t. There are some joke situations in which I can see it, but for practical use, seems like inconspicuous conspicuous consumption to me.

Posted: June 1st, 2008 under Love.
Comments: none

Our Recommendation: Never Date Another Human Being

Spurred on by television ads, I thought it would be funny to see what kind of mooks E-Harmony matched me with. Sure, I’m in a relationship, but if I wanted to cheat I’d just go on CraigsList like the rest of the free world, so calm down honey. This was just a social experiment to see how dorky the service was.

There I was, answering questions in my smugness, 100% confident that my answers would match me up with a bitchy Japanese investment banker who had a lo gui fetish. Little did I know that…

E-Harmony was bang on. Check it out:

They got it completely right. This is even considering that I chose to include Toronto in my geographical area, a city of millions of selfish dorks that should have matched with my self-centered, over-confident and overweight answers. They are basically telling me to get the hell out of their pool so that they don’t get nasty letters from subscribers about me. And who can blame them? They obviously GOT INSIDE MY HEAD.

So to all of my single friends, I say run, don’t walk, to eharmony.com. There’s no doubt that they will match you up exactly with who you should be with for the rest of your life. To all my non-single friends, lets slide over to Craigslist and see what these people are doing Friday night… yeah baby, give me some of that sugar and the free mini-bar.

Posted: May 16th, 2008 under Love.
Comments: none

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The $1500.00 Vibrator

Our Recommendation: Never Date Another Human Being