Recently, a reporter for Alternet uncovered a vast conspiracy of right wingers to essentially take over Digg, ironically in what they thought was a backlash against the vast left wing conspiracy to sway opinion on the popular social networking site. Does this mean it is time for the left to launch online counter measures?

Up until now, the only “left-wing conspiracy” out there on the internet was that many educated people who use the internet regularly happen to be on the left side of center, like myself and likely any of the other four people who read my blog. But these events show that the right is willing to engage in some pretty dirty tactics to game what is being pushed on Digg. We can all pretend that we are above all that, but let’s face it, you can only really fight this sort of thing with similar measures.

The story won’t stop the fanatical conservatives who have decided to engage in these activities. They’ll simply go to the mattresses and fall back on their shadow accounts after the furor has died down, or the new Digg has rolled out, whichever one comes first. When that happens, the left should be prepared.

It seems easy enough; open a Yahoo Group or a listserv simply for the purpose of gaming Digg and other social networking sites, and using our collective power to bury or vote down stories submitted by the same creationist whackjobs that have tried to do this in the first place. Plus, I’m sure I’m not the first one to have this idea after reading the story, so there are likely groups already out there. Should you join? Is it ethical?

Of course, it goes against the supposed organic nature of every social networking site to game the results. However, we have been shown irrefutably that the site is gamed daily by people without the best interests of civilization at heart. If we want to protect those interests, we have to join some kind of similar online effort to combat them. They are engaging in online terrorism, and the only way to fight them is by using online guerilla tactics that match or outplay them. There is no “rising above” in this situation.

And what is the worst that can happen? You have your Digg handle canceled? Seriously, who cares. In the meantime, you’ll be scoring points for the good guys and ensuring that liberal voices are heard just as loudly as conservative ones. It seems like a no-brainer to me.

For anyone who is whining that “the integrity of Digg must be protected” or some other naive sentiment, believe me, that virgin shore has been conquered a long time ago. Digg has been gamed by everyone since the day it became popular. Social media marketers, private corporations, and political groups have all had a crack at it. This particular effort is more nefarious because it isn’t just pushing one company or product as a marketer would do, but trying to bury stories written or submitted by anyone with viewpoints that run counter to “God is great, drill baby drill”. The worst thing a marketer is going to do, and many wouldn’t, is to bury stories about or from the competition.

So do we become the bad guys by engaging in similar measures? First of all, it isn’t bad to protect something that is already under assault. Kind of like a farmer taking up his pitchfork to protect his home from the marauding hordes, and likely just as effective, let’s face it, they’ve been at it longer.

I’m going to try to see who is already out there that I can join in the online world. I encourage everyone reading this to do the same. Just make a few Digg accounts before you start, because you are likely to lose at least one.

Last week, I met with a hepatologist, or liver specialist. He had the pleasing news that my liver was functioning normally, but that I had to lose 20 lbs to keep it working that way. Right now, my liver enzyme levels are elevated over normal.

This has mostly to do with a lack of exercise. My diet has changed enough in the last year that I am no longer gaining weight, but I am not losing it either. Here are my realistic changes that I will be trying to stick to.

1. Do 20 Minutes of Non-Stationary Housework a Day
Putting away clothes, doing laundry, mopping, sweeping, scrubbing. All workouts, and all necessary to making my living and working environment look better. Dishes don’t count since I’m just standing in one place.

2. Do 10-30 Minutes of Wii Fit a Day
Even if it is a downer day, I’ll squeeze in 10 minutes of yoga.

3. Eat Breakfast
Not just cereal, but a proper and large breakfast with eggs involved somehow. Have spinach on hand so I can add it into my scrambled eggs or omelette for an iron boost.

4. Meat and Veg
Have fresh veggies, at least one, at each meal. Fruit throughout the day as a snack.

5. Salmon
At least once a week, and take fish oil in the morning to feel full.

The most important lifestyle pledges are obviously #1 and #2. Housework as exercise may seem like a copout, but something is always better than nothing. Fingers crossed that I’ll be down to a size 16 by the summer and a 14 by the fall. I managed to lose 5 pounds from November to now, so this goal is not out of sight.

I’ve been spending the last couple of years kicking myself in the brain for being involved in a fringe religion for most of my teen and adult life. The process of deprogramming myself has been somewhat painful and I finally reached a milestone last week when I packed up all of my old books, in three huge boxes, and am ready to give them away to someone.

One of my big questions to myself has been why, as an intelligent individual, I was involved with Wiccans for so long. The best answer I could come up with is that at every stage of the game except the last one, in which I had the misfortune of getting tangled up with really the lowest forms of humanity you can imagine, I had great friends who were good people who were also Wiccan.

Reconnecting with one of them on Facebook has shown me just how awesome she still is. She rescues puppies, writes books about animal behaviour, and is just generally one of the coolest women on earth. Another does exceptionally cool work in the tech field and is a pure pleasure to be around. Another was my best friend growing up and I have to say that I miss him terribly and all of the crazy stuff we used to get up to.

In the end, it isn’t Paganism or Wicca itself that is evil. It is just that it attracts people who are polar; either very good or very bad people. The very bad people feed off of the very good people, and so goes the dynamic of really any organized religion. Like it or not, that is what Wicca has become. It has self-organized into this weird hierarchy that doesn’t make any sense, and nearly always puts the very bad people in charge. I believe that good can exist outside of that structure and that faith in the human condition rather than faith in pretend deities is really more of what life is all about.

So to all my Wiccan and ex-Wiccan friends, I know I’ve been harshing your mellow in the last couple of years. I just ask you to understand that what happened to me was bad enough that I just painted the entire group with the same brush for a while, and I am well aware that some of you are beautiful and unique under all that stuff. I still think Wicca in southern Ontario is composed of a nest of vipers, criminals, and pedophiles but those of you that don’t participate in the drama or stupidity are awesome.

I recently reread “The Vampire Lestat” and thought it was complete ass on the second go round. However, it had many things that the current popular vampire series completely lacks, such as plots that make sense, halfway decent writing, and a complete lack of glitter.

1. Bad Writing

While most English majors would argue that most bestselling fiction is poorly written, I would be the exception to that rule. I find clear, concise writing that people actually read to be more valuable and worthy than expertly crafted metaphors that nobody will understand. Yes, Ulysses by James Joyce is a masterwork. Will anyone else but a lit freak appreciate it? Probably not.

Starting from the point that I think Stephen King is awesome, sweet Jesus on a Popsicle stick, the writing in Twilight is godawful. I mean barfingly awful. I mean so horrid that I wouldn’t wipe my ass with it for fear that it would give me literary AIDS. Holy fucking shit.

2. Weak Female Lead

While I get that Bella was supposed to be an everywoman that every horny teenage girl could identify with, damn that girl was one weak lady. There’s been enough said on this on other sites that I won’t go on about it, but Twilight’s Bella makes the happy hooker in Pretty Woman look like Sigourney Weaver in Alien 3 – the one where she shaves her head and jokes with hardened prisoners.

3. Bella Spends Entire Movie Needing a Ventolin Mask

The amount of hyperventilation, breath-catching and cut-off words coming out of that actress should have seen Edward flying her to emergency to be seen by a respiratory technician, not inviting the obviously sick Bella out to play fucking baseball.

4. Sparkling. Fucking. Vampires.

When I first heard that the vampires in Twilight glittered in the sunlight, I laughed for about a minute straight. Then the person who told me had to convince me that they weren’t joking. Then, I laughed harder. The movie reaches an orgasmic comedy point when Edward reveals his sparkly boy-chest, especially since someone in the world is supposed to think that his barely post-pubescent body is supposed to be made hotter through the use of glitter. Hey, dumbshits, the last time I saw gratuitous use of glitter on men, it was at a drag show in Toronto. Just saying. Which brings us to the next point…

5. Edward is Straight? For Real?

Um…. no. From my first look at young Robert’s impersonation of the doomed young vampire, my gaydar was klaxoning out of control. I can only imagine that Bella’s blood smells so good to him because she’s been bathing in the pee of Adam Lambert, Brad Pitt, or whoever the boys are loving these days for the past ten years of her life. Their hormones have then seeped into her DNA, thus making her attractive to Edward.

6. Nobody Notices that We Live in a Freaking Mansion and Drive Impossibly Expensive Cars.

My parents grew up in a small town. If someone in that small town had the kind of amassed wealth that was evident in the Cullen compound, they would be the subject of endless town gossip. It wouldn’t matter how far back in the woods they lived, someone would notice the Mercedes SUV in the sea of Mercury Topazes and say “Hey, I wonder how those rich folks got all their money!”. Since vampires don’t seem to have powers of mass human persuasion in the Twilight world, there goes that explanation.

7. Fighting Involves Gyrating Like a Hooker About to Score Meth

Twilight’s vampires seem to have perfected a mode of Kung Fu known as “Sexy Fighting” in which they grind and gyrate like they are at a vampire bar while trying to kick the living snot out of their opponents. Which would be disarming if their opponents weren’t doing it too. I wasn’t really sure if Edward and the baddie at the end of the first movie weren’t going to kiss after hissing at each other and making snarling noises. In real life that would have totally happened.

I’ll come up with more, I’m sure, if I can manage to choke down the entire series. That is, if I want to devote precious hours of my life to complete brain rape.

Here’s the thing, GG. I’ve been really good this past year, volunteering my time to help people set up their websites, working hard, and generally launching my writing career into the stratosphere. That took a lot of work.

After all that work, GG, I think I need a break. I mean, if you took one look at my Economic Action Plan, you would know that I am the type to get things done. If by getting things done you meant shopping.

So, Your Majesty (I’m too lazy to look up the honorific, plus I am on extreme cold medication), please grant me a proroguing of my life until March. This much needed break with coincide well with the fact that I know I’ll be winning the lottery in that month.

Awaiting your answer with bated breath, I remain,

Common Canadian in Need of Proroguing.

Hi There:

I sent the following letter yesterday, and thought I should follow it up with a thank you letter for agreeing to disassociate Sarah Palin with Hamilton Health Sciences. While I understand that those at a higher level in your executive and administration may be grumbling over the immediate lost funds, I hope that this action signifies that you understand the damage that such an appearance would have long-term on the Hamilton Health Sciences brand.

It is important that a Canadian organization never be seen as supporting those who believe in the privatization of health care, and I am very glad that you made the decision to not support these viewpoints by not being a beneficiary of Palin’s speech. I’m sure there are many more like me who are not writing you letters about it, as people are more likely to write letters when they are angry than when they are satisfied with an outcome. You can count me as back on board with the HHS brand.

Hi There:

A couple of years ago, Hamilton Health Sciences saved the life of my partner through chemotherapy, radiation and a successful surgery to minimize and remove a cancerous tumour.

Now I see one will be speaking on your behalf in April, as evidenced by this Toronto Star article:

http://www.thestar.com/news/ontario/article/737482–palin-works-the-circuit-all-the-way-to-hamilton

When my partner and I were doing better financially, it was our hope that we could start donating a percentage of our earnings to the Juravinski Cancer Centre, a division of HHS. If you do not cancel Sarah Palin’s appearance, we will never donate to your organization.

There must be legions of better speakers that you can get for a fundraiser. What about Bill Clinton? David Suzuki? How about anyone but Sarah Palin?

Are you aware that Sarah Palin told the “This Hour Has 22 Minutes” crew that Canada should privatize its health care? If you don’t believe me, watch this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4DEuRMigtc

I can’t support an organization that supports someone who embodies ideals that are so completely antithetical to Canadian values. I hope that you reverse your decision.