A Bit of My Life » State of Women

State of Women

Dating As PVP

I was wondering when the anti-feminist backlash would hit.

Then I read “AskMen.com”.

OK, granted, a lot of women fit into the spoiled, selfish, insecure and jealous stereotypes that the dating section of this site makes them out to be. The only problem with the theories, systems, and tips on this site is – they don’t account for the women who aren’t like that.

When I was dating I know I was the somewhat hapless testing ground for some of these theories. I would date a guy once, feel like there was no interest, and then he would start calling me or IM’ing me out of the blue like he really was interested. Coming from the school of mixed signals = potential bipolar syndrome, I usually didn’t give these guys a second chance. I think these systems are designed for men who love shallow bitches and want to trap them into a relationship, like a hunter with prey. And that is somewhat laudable, because a woman who thinks that she can treat guys like crap regularly deserves to have the tables turned on her.

How many guys who aren’t looking for these types of women are using these techniques and bombing consistently with kind, caring women who are normal? That’s my question about the tips offered on this site. Are men really so scared that women think that they are superior to them that they have to resort to guerrilla dating tactics to find their one true love? I prefer a chivalrous knight to a sandanista dating warrior anyday, and I am sure most women out there agree with me. Even the bitches.

I guess the target market for this site is 18-25 year olds, who aren’t really thinking about anything past their fly for the moment. Which is fine. The more, the merrier, in my view of the world. For my part, I probably don’t understand the other side of the fence, which seems like an easy place to be for me. You go out with friends, you see a nice girl, you talk to her, take her out on a date or two, and you have your fun. This site takes that seemingly simple sequence of events and turns it into a weird version of the “Art of War”. Don’t women overthink this stuff enough? Do men have to start doing it too?

This overcomplication of dating for men has a few profitable sidebars – the clothing industry benefits, the male grooming industry benefits, and a few billion are made off of the insecurity of men. Actually, viewed from a marketing perspective, “The System” is positively brilliant. Make men think that they are macho and in control of the situation, but at the same time program them with the insecurities that overthinking the dating situation always leads to. The style guru in “Wag the Dog” couldn’t have come up with a more pervasive conspiracy to increase the consumption habits of the previously unconcerned male.

When I met a guy that didn’t have any ulterior motives, didn’t try to hide anything about himself, and didn’t put on an act to be a player, I fell in love with him. I think my advice to all of you guys out there who are trying to find a lady is to slow it down – stop overthinking – and start being yourself. You will be amazed at how many genuine women you actually do attract. More importantly, the crazy ones will leave you alone because you are no longer systemizing them.

Lets not forget the dark side of “The System” and the women that it is aiming for. Crazy women press charges. Yes, they do. They really do. I am willing to bet that if you practice “The System” long enough, you will end up with paternity suits, rape allegations, and generally everything that a genuine crazy chick can throw at you. Is it really worth it to get your dinky stinky a little more often than the average Joe?

My other concern is that feminism has fostered this kind of reaction from the mainstream male. To me, feminism is about being treated like a guy would be treated. To the writers of AskMen.com, it is a very scary and emasculating word. Why? Probably because crazy psycho women portray themselves as feminists and ruin it for the rest of us. This is the most deeply troubling aspect of this site to me. Equality for women across the board will never exist as long as men have this stereotype stuck in their heads. Women have become the enemy, the trophy, the prey. In fact, dating to these guys just seems like a giant PVP session with real emotions and sex as the weapons to use, rather than a +4 Ogreslayer. And that is just weird.

Posted: March 22nd, 2008 under State of Women.
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Feeling Good About Being Fat

Feeling Good about Being “Fat”

Here’s the deal – I used to be rake thin. I even modeled for a while, although it was limited to local fashion shows.

I moved to Toronto to go to University. There, I didn’t have a pot to piss in and sometimes found myself stretching out the meager groceries in my fridge just to ensure that I would have something to eat for a week until I got my paycheck.

Then, after leaving University, I got a job, got happy, and when I started getting disposable income, spending it on food. A lot of food.

I went from being slightly gross on the thin side, to healthy, to creepingly overweight. I didn’t notice because for the first time in my adult life, I could eat anything I wanted, whenever I wanted, however I wanted. I could eat in restaurants, I could buy a pint of Haagen Dazs and destroy it in 10 minutes, and I could bloody well eat the pants off of any of my friends (and I did, but that is a different story).

This went on until one day I woke up and realized that none of my clothes really fit me. I actually thought for about a week that my clothes had shrunk. Until it dawned on me – I was a size 14.

This whole process took about 5 years to complete. So it took a long time to put on, and it may take just as long to take off.

There is also the possibility that I may never take it off. So, instead of being depressed about it, I have decided to be happy with it.

Dating after the break-up of a long-term relationship was hard. Many guys found me attractive, but just couldn’t deal with the extra poundage. I resigned myself to thinking that I would never find an emotionally fulfilling relationship until I lost about 40 lbs.

Then I woke up.

If people are so shallow that they can’t even get past extra weight then basically, they suck. Not me and my extra, and I have to say well-placed, weight. After my attitude on this changed, I either didn’t date the shallow ones in the first place or I dumped them if they even mentioned anything about my extra self.

After adopting this attitude, I met the man who is now the love of my life. He’s perfect, he’s wonderful, and he couldn’t give a darn that I have a bit more weight on me than his ex-girlfriends or any woman that he previously found attractive did. This made me a little edgy at first, but thankfully we didn’t start out being “serious” about each other, so it gave him time to get over it as he grew to know me, and it gave me time to see him as not nearly as shallow as I initially thought he was.

Now, I am beginning to once again see myself as beautiful. I am a successful woman with a great life, and my beauty is both inner and outer. Instead of feeling miserable about my pregnant looking belly, I am beginning to embrace it as a feature. Most people out there may gag at this, but I actually think it looks sexy.

Popular culture is now starting to acknowledge that the average clothes size is around 12-16. I recently went into a local store that sells couture clothing at discount prices, and was surprised to find mostly small and medium clothes in there. I asked them if they did not get in large sizes, and was told that they sell the fastest. In fact, try this – go onto Ebay, do a search for clothing lots. You will find tons of small clothing lots, and almost no large clothing lots. There is an excellent reason for this – large clothes sell, and small clothes don’t, leading to a glut of them on the market that end up in the hands of Ebay sellers.

So, I am just like the rest of the women out there, with the added bonus that I am successful, educated, pretty, and I have great knockers. Oh, that was more than one bonus.

One thing I used to fantasize about doing if I won the lottery was to go to a fat farm to shed my excess pounds. Then I realized, I don’t have to win the lottery. I can just live with how beautiful I am, for as long as it takes for me to lose weight. If I do, it’s a bonus. If not, I am still fabulous.

So are all of you in the same boat. I know who you are. You are intelligent, educated women who have a hard time looking at yourself in the mirror because you used to be hot in your early 20’s, and you don’t feel so hot anymore (I celebrate my 31^st birthday in a week and a half, to put that comment in perspective). You have so many things that make you hot that you don’t even see when you look in that mirror. You have love, you have life, and you have your intelligence. Most of you are gainfully employed, a trait that is extremely attractive to most men, believe it or not. But never worry about what is attractive to men. Buy yourself lingerie because you like it. Join a group or start a fund raising drive because you want to, not because you want to meet guys. And you will find along the way that you happen to bump into people who are not plastic, and people that have worth – just like you.

Posted: March 13th, 2008 under State of Women.
Comments: none

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