A Bit of My Life » Feeling Good About Being Fat

Feeling Good About Being Fat

Feeling Good about Being “Fat”

Here’s the deal – I used to be rake thin. I even modeled for a while, although it was limited to local fashion shows.

I moved to Toronto to go to University. There, I didn’t have a pot to piss in and sometimes found myself stretching out the meager groceries in my fridge just to ensure that I would have something to eat for a week until I got my paycheck.

Then, after leaving University, I got a job, got happy, and when I started getting disposable income, spending it on food. A lot of food.

I went from being slightly gross on the thin side, to healthy, to creepingly overweight. I didn’t notice because for the first time in my adult life, I could eat anything I wanted, whenever I wanted, however I wanted. I could eat in restaurants, I could buy a pint of Haagen Dazs and destroy it in 10 minutes, and I could bloody well eat the pants off of any of my friends (and I did, but that is a different story).

This went on until one day I woke up and realized that none of my clothes really fit me. I actually thought for about a week that my clothes had shrunk. Until it dawned on me – I was a size 14.

This whole process took about 5 years to complete. So it took a long time to put on, and it may take just as long to take off.

There is also the possibility that I may never take it off. So, instead of being depressed about it, I have decided to be happy with it.

Dating after the break-up of a long-term relationship was hard. Many guys found me attractive, but just couldn’t deal with the extra poundage. I resigned myself to thinking that I would never find an emotionally fulfilling relationship until I lost about 40 lbs.

Then I woke up.

If people are so shallow that they can’t even get past extra weight then basically, they suck. Not me and my extra, and I have to say well-placed, weight. After my attitude on this changed, I either didn’t date the shallow ones in the first place or I dumped them if they even mentioned anything about my extra self.

After adopting this attitude, I met the man who is now the love of my life. He’s perfect, he’s wonderful, and he couldn’t give a darn that I have a bit more weight on me than his ex-girlfriends or any woman that he previously found attractive did. This made me a little edgy at first, but thankfully we didn’t start out being “serious” about each other, so it gave him time to get over it as he grew to know me, and it gave me time to see him as not nearly as shallow as I initially thought he was.

Now, I am beginning to once again see myself as beautiful. I am a successful woman with a great life, and my beauty is both inner and outer. Instead of feeling miserable about my pregnant looking belly, I am beginning to embrace it as a feature. Most people out there may gag at this, but I actually think it looks sexy.

Popular culture is now starting to acknowledge that the average clothes size is around 12-16. I recently went into a local store that sells couture clothing at discount prices, and was surprised to find mostly small and medium clothes in there. I asked them if they did not get in large sizes, and was told that they sell the fastest. In fact, try this – go onto Ebay, do a search for clothing lots. You will find tons of small clothing lots, and almost no large clothing lots. There is an excellent reason for this – large clothes sell, and small clothes don’t, leading to a glut of them on the market that end up in the hands of Ebay sellers.

So, I am just like the rest of the women out there, with the added bonus that I am successful, educated, pretty, and I have great knockers. Oh, that was more than one bonus.

One thing I used to fantasize about doing if I won the lottery was to go to a fat farm to shed my excess pounds. Then I realized, I don’t have to win the lottery. I can just live with how beautiful I am, for as long as it takes for me to lose weight. If I do, it’s a bonus. If not, I am still fabulous.

So are all of you in the same boat. I know who you are. You are intelligent, educated women who have a hard time looking at yourself in the mirror because you used to be hot in your early 20’s, and you don’t feel so hot anymore (I celebrate my 31^st birthday in a week and a half, to put that comment in perspective). You have so many things that make you hot that you don’t even see when you look in that mirror. You have love, you have life, and you have your intelligence. Most of you are gainfully employed, a trait that is extremely attractive to most men, believe it or not. But never worry about what is attractive to men. Buy yourself lingerie because you like it. Join a group or start a fund raising drive because you want to, not because you want to meet guys. And you will find along the way that you happen to bump into people who are not plastic, and people that have worth – just like you.

Posted: March 13th, 2008 under State of Women.
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