A Bit of My Life » For The Cave People Who Do Not Flush the Toilet

For The Cave People Who Do Not Flush the Toilet

You know who you are. Fortunately for you, the rest of us don’t, but you know who you are. You are the people who left behind little pieces of yourselves in a restaurant in Oakville on the evening of Saturday, May 10, taking 2 of the 3 toilets in the washroom out of service.

One thinks that when one goes to a restaurant in Oakville, as opposed to a restaurant in Calcutta, that people in Oakville would think of flushing the toilet. Then, I started making excuses in my head like “maybe these are low flush toilets”, and then when I went to do what you couldn’t, I found out that even that was wrong. These toilets seemed to even be the extra-flush kind.

One of you committed a somewhat minor sin, that was leaving the toilet with some yellow coloured liquid in it. The other one stepped over the barrier into that no man’s land of uncouthness that I have only seen previously at a grievous hole of a dive bar in Sutton. Only I was in Oakville.

The rest of my evening and dinner was marred by the fact that I was sharing space with two complete throwbacks of our civilization. I was afraid that by eating the same chicken wings, my brain cells would devolve to the point where I would commit the foul sin that I had seen with my own naked eyes, a vision that will be seared upon my brain forever.

I started going over in my mind situations in which I would not flush a restaurant toilet. Drunk? No, no… I have been embarrassingly, sloppily drunk in a restaurant and still remembered to flush. Depressed? No, when I’ve been at my lowest things seem to take an extra long time, so forgetting to flush wouldn’t be going on. Overly medicated? Perhaps, but what I saw looked healthy enough that medication couldn’t have been involved in the process.

I had to come to the conclusion that Bronte Creek Provincial Park must be host to a series of caves like those in the movie “The 13th Warrior”, where a tribe of pre homo-sapiens Neanderthals lives, and they sometimes enjoy venturing out for some wings and beer. There are at least two females in this tribe, I didn’t see the men’s so I can’t account for the population of males.

We must take pity on these poor souls who are so desperately trying to co-mingle with their more evolved peers. Instead of ridiculing them and calling them disgusting, perhaps the Town of Oakville could hire an anthropologist (I hear Jane Goodale is in retirement - she may need some bingo money) to go out to the Bronte caves and toilet train these individuals properly, so that they will be able to blend more easily on their nights out.

Otherwise, they may teach these same habits to their children and their children’s children, thereby guaranteeing that they will not be accepted into society as a whole.

Restaurants may want to assist this process by installing self-flushing toilets to guard against the failings of these poor creatures; certainly the restaurateur is already overburdened with expenses, but the expense they incur when another customer witnesses these failings of the less evolved and never returns to their establishment again would be far greater, in the end.

I suppose I am appealing to restaurants and the cavepeople alike to please remember to simply push a button or depress a lever; and to restaurants to have staff check the bathrooms occasionally to ensure that patrons are not tarnishing the image of their establishment.

Posted: May 11th, 2008 under Food & Drink.
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For The Cave People Who Do Not Flush the Toilet

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